I just didn’t get it. How could I have been so wrong about things? How could it have been so obvious to me but plainly the wrong idea? Why didn’t things work out the way I thought they would?
What was God thinking?
I feel tricked.
I hate when this happens: the deep disappointment of shattered hopes and plans. It can cut even deeper when we think the hopes are placed on what we believe God has planned only to have them unfulfilled. What are we supposed to do? What deeper pain can be felt than one perceived to have been orchestrated by the One on whom all hope rests?
First, I’ve found that I have to go back to the basics of trusting that God will work all things out for the good of those who love him and are called by him. I know it sounds cliché, but without it, I’m lost.
That’s good in theory and for encouragement after the fact, but what about when we’re in the thick of the emotional turmoil when encouraging words seem to fail? I’ve learned that it helps to be honest with God. Somehow, we’ve been lead to believe that we aren’t allowed to express negative emotions about God. We’ve had to stifle our doubts and disappointments with God because “good Christians” don’t experience them. I’d like to believe that the God I serve is big enough and secure enough in himself to take on our doubts and disappointments while concurrently inviting us to come near to him so he can walk us through them. Maybe God would rather hear our heartfelt cries of pain and despair even if they’re directed toward him than hear a façade of positivity masking a broken spirit.